Scouts in Training
by RED1
Summary: Chibi Moon and Saturn train to be scouts.


Tokyo Japan: Serena, Darien, Raye, Ami, Lita, Mina, Luna and Artimis are hanging out in the park.  
  
Serena: Isn't it a totally gorgeous day? Not as totally gorgeous as you though, Darien!  
  
Darien: Thanks, Serena.  
  
Raye: Yeah it is a really nice day today.  
  
Serena: AHHHH! Are you trying to steal my man, Raye???? Leave Darien alone! He's mine! You hear?   
MINE!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!  
  
Luna: Oh God, not again. Now Raye is going to start screaming at Serena and I'll have to go into   
condescending bitch mode.   
  
Raye: Chill out Serena! For the last friggin' time, I don't want Darien!  
  
Mina: Yeah, she's in love with Chad, remember.  
  
Raye: WHAT??? I am not! I mean sure the show indicates that I am and all but then it always reverts   
back to me not speaking to him and him going insane and doing something retarded!!!  
  
Serena: SO! You ARE after Darien!!!  
  
Darien: Uh... Serena.  
  
Serena: Oh fine! just go ahead and leave me! I don't care.... WAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!  
  
Every one sweat drops.  
  
All of a sudden something crashes out of the sky and lands on the wailing Serena, knocking her out.  
  
Artimis: That was unexpected.  
  
Lita: Check it out! It's Serena and Darien's highly annoying child from the future!  
  
Renii: Hi every body!  
  
Serena wakes up.  
  
Serena: Hey you little brat! You can't just go around landing on people you know! You need to learn some   
manners!!!  
  
Renii: Damn she didn't die...  
  
Serena: What what WHAT???  
  
Reni1: I said oh Serena, hi!  
  
Serena: Oh.  
  
Ami: So, Renii, what brings you back to the past?  
  
Renii: My mom sent me here to train with you guys so I can be a Sailor Scout.  
  
Serena: That doesn't sound like something I'd do...  
  
Renii: Well you did!!! (Renii jumps into Darien's arms.) Hi Darien!  
  
Serena: THAT'S MY BOYFRIEND!!!!  
  
Ami: Chill out Serena, Darien is her future father. I don't think you have much to worry about. Unless   
Renii has some severe Freudian thing going on...  
  
Serena: Crap... Well any way, she's here now and we must train her to be a Sailor Scout! I shall call   
her...(Serena puts pinkie finger to her mouth.) Mini Moon!  
  
Every one: Cool.  
  
Serena: Would you like anything, Mini Moon? A hot pocket?? No? OK.  
  
Lita: Well then let's all sit around and wait for a disaster of epic proportions to happen.  
  
All: OK.  
  
Meanwhile...  
  
Sailor Saturn: Hey! What am I doing in this unrecognizable and unnamed place that the writer was to lazy   
to name or describe at a point in the story at which totally doesn't fit with the actual anime?  
  
Sailor Uranus: Hello Sailor Saturn, I am Sailor Uranus and this is my lov....uhh...cousin...yeah yeah, that's   
the ticket, my cousin, Sailor Neptune. Yes...that should do nicely...  
  
Neptune: Hi! Let me introduce you to my friend...this is Sailor Pluto.  
  
Uranus: Friend?  
  
Neptune: Oh now COUSIN don't get in a snit!  
  
Uranus: You're right...(aside to Pluto) If I find out you two are doing the nasty behind my back I swear to   
god I'll kill you!  
  
Pluto: Uh...any way...We're here to train you to become a Sailor Scout Saturn!  
  
Saturn: Uhh didn't you all want me dead?  
  
Uranus: Yeah well this makes for a better story, and besides, have you seen what passes for a Sailor   
Solder these days? We need all the none annoyingness we can get here!  
  
Saturn: Good point. So were do we start?  
  
Neptune: Well first off, here's this really cool looking weapon for you. And for god's sake don't destroy us!  
  
Saturn: Check.  
  
Uranus: Now you must learn to babble on and on at an enemy before you fight them in order to bore them   
into submission.  
  
Saturn: I am Sailor Saturn!!! I stand for justice and peace and you suck ass! There for you are my mortal   
enemy! And, because it takes the Earth 24 hours to make a complete turn, I shall punish you in the name   
of Saturn!!!  
  
Pluto: Great! Now, incase the boring speech doesn't work, you have to learn to rely on one attack that will   
easily destroy monsters yet has no effect what so ever on your main enemy.  
  
Saturn: (Insert name of Saturn's one attack that the writer was too lazy to look up here.)!!!  
  
Neptune: Great! Now you're a Sailor Scout! Let's go find some simple ass problem to correct!  
  
All: Hurrah!  
  
Downtown Tokyo: A huge monster is destroying the city.  
  
Luna: This looks like a job for the army! But since we're in a time of peace, we'll have to take care of it!  
  
Scouts: Right!  
  
(Insert long transformation scene here)  
  
Sailor Moon: Alright monster! We're gonna take you out and...Mini Moon! Stop humping the Imperial   
Silver Crystal! Geeze, why don't you and the crystal get a friggin' room. NO! Mini Moon we don't gnaw   
on our Luna...no..no we don't.  
  
Jupiter: Man this bra is killing me, I should take it off...  
  
Mars: God Sailor Moon! You suck so much!! Blah blah blah blah....  
  
Moon: WHAAAAAAA!!!  
  
Uranus: Looks like we got here just in time!!!  
  
Artimis: Hey look! It's those rude bitches who were always showing us up!  
  
Mini Moon: Saturn!!! My friend:  
  
Saturn: Renii, it's time to level with you...I really never liked you. You're aggravating and stupid and I   
only hung out with you so there would be someone to call the doctor if I passes out, which was often.  
  
Neptune: Say, why did you stop all of a sudden? Were you possessed by an evil spirit?  
  
Saturn: No, it was a brain tumor. But I had it removed.  
  
Neptune: Oh. Uhh...cousin...what's your hand doing there?  
  
Uranus: Huh? Oh, my bad.  
  
Jupiter: Wow, I think I'll stare at Uranus in a sparkly, warm fuzzy and mushy way. But not in a   
homosexual way!!!  
  
Mercury: You're not fooling any one, Jupiter.  
  
Neptune: Hey! Stop staring at my girl.......cousin! My cousin that's a girl and there for not my lover!   
Where the hell did Pluto go???  
  
Tuxedo Mask: Shouldn't we be doing something about this monster?   
  
Sailor Moon: You're right! Let's get rid of it!  
  
Uranus: OK, Saturn. This is it. Show us what you've learned!  
  
Saturn: RIGHT! (Insert attack here)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Saturn attacks the huge monster and inadvertently hits Sailor Moon, Mars, Tuxedo Mask, Mini Moon,   
and Luna. They all go hurtling over the horizon along with the monster.  
  
Uranus: Good job! ....NEPTUNE!!! Get your tongue out of Pluto's mouth right now!!!  
  
Neptune: Chill out! I was thinking since the monster's gone we could have a little party.  
  
Uranus: Oh yeah? Well then I'm inviting Jupiter!  
  
Jupiter: WHOOHOO!!!! I'm excited...but not in a homosexual way!  
  
Mercury: Well then, Venus. Looks like it's making out for me and you again!  
  
Uranus: So you see, Saturn. Everything worked out just fine!  
  
(Sailor Moon, Tuxedo Mask, Mini Moon, Raye, and Luna crash down on the ground.)  
  
Venus: Oh my god! I think they're dead!  
  
Neptune: And nothing of value was harmed!  
  
Saturn: Well I sure did learn a lot today. I learned how to be a Sailor Scout, I learned how to destroy   
monsters, and I learned the true meaning of the word 'cousin'!  
  
Uranus: You sure did, kido, you sure did!  
  
All: Hahahahahahaha!  
  
The End!  



End file.
